Nail biting has begun

I can't pull myself away from the computer, I've crashed just about every search engine looking up every imaginary symptom I've had in the last few days....afraid I'll self-destruct if I get a bfn this month...it'll be the beginning of anxiety-ridden days and nights wondering if I'll ever get pregnant again. I haven't paid much attention to my husband or home or pets recently...I feel dazed by this whole cycle...a vicious vortex spinning me deeper and deeper into obliviion. Every voice sounds like an echo, I can hardly pay attention to anything other than my body...find myself self-absorbed and content about it for the moment. I can pull away from the ofc for just minutes at a time before sitting back down at the computer til my butt is numb. I'm a zoned-out, space cadet, desperate wanna be mother. My talents wasted on my obsession instead of more important things like my husbands needs, my pets needs, my family's needs. wish I could get away for a few days...at least a weekend...eloy is thinking about postponing our trip to San Fran or NY until this summer....I think I'll melt down way before that...that is unless I am magicaly rescued by my son or daughter-to-be....