Ambivalent feelings today

Well I tested today. and yesterday but whose counting? Both BFN's; ok yesterday I tested twice. But anyway.
Today's was a regular hpt, the one with LINES Only one line appeared, very negative.

Today's was no big surprise. Feeling crampy with lots of heartburn. The heartburn is what threw me off the BFN path. Either way I have my results. I've been licking my wounds all day. DH saw it and commented on it. said I'm a worry wart, boy if he only knew I had changed my blog name earlier today....It was quite a coincidence. Anyway, found my Rx for next month...fished it out of the pile of "to file" today. That pile has been there for over a year, it's incredible. I need to take a pic of it. Maybe later. For today I thought I'd post my thoughts about this big mess I've made. DH is out of town tomorrow. Lots of work for the next two weeks keeping myself busy... I'm coming out of the 2 week self-induced hibernation. Still, I don't know if I'll be the same. First BFN since we started TTC again in July....hit me right between the eyes. I just didn't see it coming. After thinking about it for two days now, I've decided that my feeling about the whole situation is that I'm ambivalent. Susanna/Girl Interrupted, I here ya.